Two years ago (almost to the day) the angel known as Kayla Jo Christensen came into our lives and soon came to be known as Nanny Kay. She's become one of the family, the girl's second mom, my right hand (and even on occasion when Clint is feeling rather witty he refers to her as the second wife). It was truly fate who brought her to us after an effortless search. Almost immediately I knew I'd dread the day we would lose her.
I thought the dreaded departure would happen a year ago when she became Mrs. Kayla Jo Frishknecht (it took me six months to be able to spell her new last name correctly). But it didn't and every day since has been a cherished gift. A bonus. And every day that we shared everyday life and the issue of raising my baby as a tandem team, this day became harder.
It's been two months since she told us she and her husband were moving back east to begin their next great adventure this summer. But even while I scrambled to line up new childcare options - knowing I could never really replace her - neither of us talked about it. As if not talking about it would make today somehow less difficult.
I successfully avoided really thinking about it until a week ago and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. One more week. That's not enough time for anything! Every time I thought about it I had to blink tears away. When Clint and I would talk about it the tears flowed freely. And then last night we were in the greeting card aisle at the grocery store and the girls were wondering what was wrong with Mommy because she was crying. It only got worse when we got home and I sobbed while I wrote my thoughts in the card I'd picked out and we recorded a "we love you Nanny Kay" message on a nifty new photo frame. Even Erica - after only a few tries - got her line down where you could understand her.
This morning was worse than I had even imagined. Kayla arrived and I tried like hell to keep it together. Then I gave her the gift bag and she handed me a tissue-wrapped CD with the pictures and videos of two years worth of her life with my girls while I was working. I basically ran from the room muttering something about going to wake up Erica. I thought I had it together pretty well when I returned with a sleepy Erica. Call me a tad narcissistic but I like to see the reactions people have when they receive a gift I've picked out so I asked her if she'd opened hers. She said yes, that she'd seen the frame. "But you didn't push the button." And then she pushed it and heard us all tell her in our own voices how much we love her. And then we were both boobing like babies.
There were hugs and more tears and finally I tore myself away to head to work saying "see you later" and "have a good day" one last time. I cried the entire way to work and barely composed myself to walk into the building. After Kayla got Erica dressed and did her hair - for the last time - she snapped a photo and text it to me. And then I was crying again. And posting it to Facebook where I found Kayla had posted about how she thought she had cried all her tears last night until she had to say goodbye to me and hadn't stopped crying since I left.
Definitely harder than either of us imagined.
At the end of the day, I know she isn't gone from our lives. That this isn't really goodbye but see you later. But damn I'll miss seeing her every morning and getting texts from her every day and spending the day chatting while I work from home once a week. I hope the summer flies quickly and that they really do come back in the fall as planned because I already miss her like mad.
Nanny Kay, always remember we love you!
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