Being the Mean Mom

Originally posted on my other blog from May 20, 2014...

I've always been a mean mom. I believe that my kids need to know that there are consequences to their actions and that life isn't fair. Otherwise, how will they grow to be well-adjusted adults? As a result, I have very well-behaved kids. I'm not always mean, but when the situation calls for it, I have no trouble rising to the occasion. I yell, I spank, I ground, I punish whenever necessary. But this week I'm having to do one of the hardest things I've ever had to do under the 'mean mom' banner.

Big Sister (Erin) has been dancing since she was three, competitively since she was five. She's really good and she really, really loves it. Which is why when she failed her first class, I threatened that if she didn't get her grades under control she wouldn't be able to dance anymore. Certainly it would hit home at her core and instill just how important her school work was. Right? That was about this time last year at the end of fifth grade when she got her last report card and her first 'NI' grade. Because dance team try-outs happen at the end of the school year, it came with a "last-chance" since we were already contractually obligated for this year's dance team by then. Unfortunately, she must not have thought I was serious... because she has consistently failed to turn in her homework all year and has failed, literally, at least one class each semester - sometimes more than one. Now I'm faced with the hardest thing I've ever had to do: not let her try out for a team next year.

I found out yesterday that even though she's known for months, she hasn't told any of her friends on the team because she is so sad. And every time I think about not getting to see her do something she has such passion for and is so good at, I want to cry. But I refuse to give in. (Plus Hubby adamantly won't let me even if I had a moment of weakness. Not that I've had that many of them...) She's heading into Junior High and, if she couldn't find the balance between school and extra-curricular activities this year while still in elementary school, she has little chance of doing so when she's thrust into the insanity of seven different classes and seven different teachers with homework every night. Instead of enrolling her in summer dance classes, I'm enrolling her in a summer reading program to teach her study skills - because god knows she hasn't listened to anything I've tried to teach or instill in her the past couple of years.

Being a parent sure sucks sometimes. I watch my friends struggle with kids who don't know what they love yet or have decided that video games are all they want to do and I know I'm not alone in these kinds of struggles. But it doesn't make it any easier. Clearly Big Sister would rather dance than do homework but if she can't graduate high school or college, I've failed in my duties as a parent. It frightens me to think I only have six more short years in which to influence her actions and help her figure out how to be an adult and then, whether either of us are ready or not, she will be an adult.

Here's hoping this is only a year break that proves to her how important it is to keep up on her homework so she can return to the thing that I always knew would keep her out of trouble when she gets to high school. I can't fathom if that plan backfires on me. I wish this kid had come with an owner's manual because I could sure use one!

Junior High Registration... and a lesson in parenting from my younger self

Recently we attended junior high orientation. It was surreal as I sat there with my oldest wondering how we had gone from the first day of Kindergarten to already in junior high school in what felt like a year. Cliche, I know, but it seriously feels like the older my kids get the faster the time flies by.

I'm an overprotective parent, Clint even more so, and I am a bit of a control freak. Okay, maybe a tad more than a bit... These combined in a perfect storm where I sat in the auditorium reading through the packet they'd handed out while Erin sat next to me surrounded by her friends talking about how excited they were and what classes they wanted to take. And then it hit me. A perfect memory of being in sixth grade sitting at my desk, with a pink card stock registration form picking out my electives for the next year. It felt monumental and so exciting. The first time I got to choose anything significant for myself. I remember how grown up I felt and thinking it was really the first independent thing I'd ever done because my parents were nowhere around. It happened during school and they NEVER got a say in what I picked for electives.

I stepped back and observed who had the packet, and who had started analyzing which electives would fit into our family life (who wants to be required to participate in choir concerts that happen outside of school hours for part of your grade when we already have such a crazy life with dance, right?). And I realized that I was stealing from Erin the potential for her own significant childhood memory right then in that moment and if I did she would never have that opportunity again.

I quickly read through the rest of the materials while listening to the counselor's presentation to satisfy my need to know everything, took a deep breath, and handed it to Erin to pick her electives. She may never remember that moment in the same way I remembered my sixth grade moment but at least I was grown-up enough to allow her the opportunity. She picked French for her language because she already knows so much from dance - which surprised me. And she picked that dreaded choir class that will require our commitment to concerts but it is on the bottom of her list of ranked priorities and she may not get it, hopefully.

As much as I want to shelter and protect and make all the decisions with all my experience and knowledge behind me, she will never become the kind of adult she has the potential to be if I do. Growing up is harder on parents than I ever thought it was going to be!

Summer Swim 2013

Winter and spring were kind of a blur while I dealt with some pretty serious medical issues. (Check out my other blog for details). I was feeling better by summer and its been a pretty fabulous one that is now coming to an end. I'll try and get caught up with the blog before another year has gone by...

We took advantage of our neighbor's pool every chance we got and both girls took swim lessons there this summer. The warm water spoiled us and now the gym pool is deemed far too cold. At least for me anyway...

Erica and her swim teacher Josh

Erin relaxing with friends the way fish do

Swim lesson with a side of bathing beauties

The 'tweens waiting to hit the pool

Time for the big kid lesson

Everyone pile on Terra and say cheese!

The whole family in the pool

Everyone loves Clint's famous piña coladas poolside. 

One of the trips to the pool at the gym. Waiting for the lifeguard to blow the whistle so they could get back in. 

My beautiful bathing beauties

This was only one aspect of our summer but when asked it was the funnest part for all of us. Even Mom took a couple of swim lessons in August so I could brush up on my strokes and remember how to kick turn so I can do proper lap swimming without looking like a dork. Erin is still a natural and perfected breathing with her free style and mastered the breast stroke and back stroke this year. Not bad for never having had a swim lesson before in her life. Erica was very timid and took much coaxing and downright bribery to do what her swim teacher asked. She doesn't like to be told what to do - a lot like her mommy - and it was a celebration at the end of the summer that she would actually put her face in the water. Next year hopefully we can ditch the floatation device and leave it behind for good.

Christmas Trip to Cali

Clint and I bought into a timeshare exchange/travel network about ten years ago.  This is the first year we've ever had the foresight enough to plan a trip where we could actually use it.  If you are like us - spontaneous travelers - don't do this.  The biggest hurdle has always been that in order to book a timeshare you have to request it more than one hundred and twenty days in advance.  Are you kidding me?  That's 3 months!!  Who plans trips more than three months in advance?  Clearly not us since we haven't used the timeshare in ten years.  (If you ever want to get Clint ranting and raving, bring this fact up and watch him go OFF about how much money we've wasted in TEN YEARS.)  But I digress...

Christmas this year (2012) we did something completely different.  Instead of getting our kids gifts, we booked a trip.  One that they had no idea we were doing until they opened the box on Christmas morning.  The box that I took great pleasure in putting together.  It started as this huge box - prompting many days of guessing games about what could possibly be in it after it appeared under the tree.  Inside this box was another huge box.  Inside that one, three medium sized boxes with smaller boxes in each.  You get the idea.  There were actually two small stuffed animals from the Disney store in the very last boxes to open with notes saying the characters couldn't wait to see the girls next week.  The best part of my "trick" was all the boxes I'd wrapped and placed under the tree so they wouldn't suspect.  Inside these robe-sized and shirt-sized boxes were stocking stuffer type items.  Hair clips, mini hand sanitizers, etc.  It was so much fun surprising them!  And Auntie Carey and Uncle Jon sent Minnie ears with their names on them to open very last.

Of course Erin immediately said she had known we were going to Disneyland for days since that's what her BFF's parents had done.  She's not fooling her mamma since I didn't even know her BFF - who's mom is one of my BFF's - was going until a week before they left.

We decided to do what other people probably wouldn't do - take our kid out of school after they had just gotten back from Christmas break - so we wouldn't have to fight the crowds at Disneyland.  The Disneyland part of the trip was going to be the worst part for Clint and I to endure but would be the highlight for the girls. 

On January 2nd, Erin went to school so I could go check her out on an educational leave of absence and we headed out that evening with reservations in Las Vegas.  Here's how nice it was when we woke up the next morning

 View of the pool from our room

 Daddy and Erica waiting for valet

Mom and Erin at valet

After a leisurely breakfast (and sleeping as late as the grown-ups wanted to) we headed out from Vegas - destination Oceanside.

 Not sure if its because we weren't in the car all day or just that Erica is getting older but this was the best road trip with her. EVER.

 Erin's favorite thing to do on a road trip is sleep - that way she doesn't get car sick.

 Clint drove the whole way, I had to entertain myself somehow...

We arrived, checked in and unloaded the car.  It was an amazing condo - two bedrooms, full kitchen, and a two-car garage attached to the unit.  Pool right outside our front door.  Seven days of bliss lay ahead of us. 

 First view of the ocean from our condo.  There was one row of houses between us and the beach.  Walking distance on top of everything else!

The rest of the day involved settling in, stocking up with groceries, bragging on Facebook about how amazing the weather was - because it was single digits at home - and acquainting ourselves with the area.

Ice cream?  Sure, why not - it's vacation!

The next day was our first full day in California.  We slept in, ate breakfast, drank coffee, and headed out - on foot - for a day at the beach.  The water was too cold to actually swim in but Erin was in up to her knees and Clint was all the way in trying his hand at skim boarding.  He had a pretty rough go of it until he talked to some locals and got hooked up with some surf board wax so he could grip the board with his feet.  After that, he was basically a pro.  Sometimes I hate that he picks up things with such ease.  Erica insisted on her swim suit even though I knew the water was going to be far too cold.  She got her feet wet and then ran screaming back toward the beach chairs where she hung out digging in the sand the rest of the day.  I was happy to sink my toes into the sand and read a book.  My kind of relaxing vacation...

 Daddy and Erin hitting the water

 the girls - notice how Erica is just behind the water line...

 this was the look on her face as she came running from the cold water of the waves

 Erin yelling "I love the ocean!"

 My view...

 Clint and the skim board

 Erin's big hole she tried to bury herself in.  Clint in the waves waist deep in the distance... BRRR

 Toes in the sand - check

 the bathing beauty

 Daddy and Erica getting ready to leave

 First sunset of the vacation

We walked down to the pier and had seafood for dinner with ice cream for dessert

Saturday morning I checked the weather for Disneyland... and saw this:

 Wouldn't you know the ONE day we decided to do Disney was the ONE day forecast for rain.  There wasn't really an option to change which day.  In true Terra fashion, I had analyzed and planned for THE. BEST. DAY. to do Disney.  Sunday was the last day of the "Holidays at Disney" celebration which included extended hours, fireworks and parades.  Plus, all the people who had to go back to school and work on Monday would be traveling home on Sunday optimizing the waiting in line factor for our benefit. If we didn't do Disney on Sunday, we wouldn't be able to do both parks in one day.  And there was no way Clint and I would be happy giving up more than one day of relaxing for the insanity of Disneyland.  Plus, my parents were driving down for the weekend JUST to do Disneyland with the girls.  So, we decided to just go for it and hope for the best.  We spent the majority of Saturday swimming in the pool and running around to sporting goods stores looking for rain coats just in case.

Disneyland tram ride to the gates from the parking lot.  The girls were so excited - Daddy not so much.  We had to wake up at 5am to be on the road early enough for the hour plus drive from Oceanside.  And for the record, the money you save by using ticket brokers outside the park is not worth the hassle.  Just pay full price at the park!

The girls saw Minnie right inside the gates while Daddy was renting a stroller for the day.  Probably would have been more efficient to rent it outside the gate before we went in but we didn't know...

We only planned on staying a few hours for the "must-do" rides in Disneyland and to optimize our time we split up.  Clint who can't do roller coasters anymore with his history of concussions, and my Mom who doesn't like them took Erica to Mickey's Toon Town.  The coaster crowd - me, my Dad and Erin - headed for Space Mountain.

The best part of Disneyland was having my Dad to ride roller coasters with.  I know exactly where I get my love of them from seeing this photo.  My dad and I are both doing the same thing without having discussed it and not being able to see each other.  Awesome!

Have to have a photo of the castle behind us

And what's a trip to Disneyland without the TEA CUPS!!

We headed back to Toon-town to meet back up with Clint and Erica but they hadn't made it there yet.  My Mom wanted to do Small World and so did Erin so off they went with my Dad while I stayed with Erica to go play at Mickey's and Minnie's houses.

Erica in Minnie's kitchen

 Meanwhile, Erin went with grandma and grandpa to see Mickey - don't tell Erica who's mean mom made her get out of the line to see Minnie when I peeked around the corner and found out we were all standing in line for Minnie who was NOT in her garden.  (We tried to see Mickey but he wasn't there.)  No time for waiting!

Instead, I took her on her first roller coaster ride - which luckily for us, grandpa returned in just enough time to snap a photo!

That's us in the second seat.  It gives me great joy to know that she loved it and I may just have a daughter to ride roller coasters with who loves them and doesn't have to get dragged on them.  I just have to wait a few years until she's tall enough.

While we all were otherwise engaged, Clint was off doing the ONE thing he wanted to do at Disneyland - eat a turkey leg.  He found out that there were three places to get them.  Two of them opened at 11:00 and one of them - on the other side of the park - opened at 10:30.  By the time he made it back to where we all were, it was gone.

"What? It was a little one!"

Then it was time for Pirates - a favorite for everyone and my Mom's very most favorite.  We got to take advantage of Mom's medical condition and go in the handicap entrance - line skipping is now the upside to failing health.

The whole gang after Pirates

Clint's other favorite activity at Disneyland was the pineapple smoothies.  (Thanks for the tip, Jed and Kerstin!)  I think he made the trek halfway across the park three times in the course of an hour to get them.  Here Erin has what she thought of as her own.  Only to see a photo of the real thing a week later on Clint's phone and found out he'd actually eaten half of it before handing it over to her.  

Clint and the girls while we sailed on the pirate ship around the island.  A nice little break.

As we were leaving, I thought to snap a photo of the Christmas decorations even though they are kind of hard to really appreciate from the picture.

The walk across to California Adventure was enough for Erica to crash.  Nap time!!  Which meant - time for more roller coasters!  Clint found a bench to wait out nap time (and probably find more good things to eat) and Erin and I headed for more rides.

The last time we were at Disneyland back in March, I got robbed of the best roller coaster in both parks.  We didn't know California Adventure closed an hour before Disneyland AND that they closed the pier where California Screamin' is an hour before that for the World of Color show.  This time I was not going to let that happen.  But first, we had to go see Cars Land and found the longest line we'd seen all day - a whole 100 minutes of estimated wait time.  AND they had already given out all their allotted Fast Passes for the day.  Seriously?  We were super spoiled by no lines on anything so far so we decided not to wait and instead come back in a little while and see if it was better.  So, we headed to where my parents were.

Waiting the twenty minutes to ride California Screamin'.  Notice the sheer joy on my face and the "I'm humoring my mom but I'm not happy about being here" smile on Erin's?  Yes, I basically dragged her on this roller coaster.  She had the choice - the coaster or Tower of Terror.  I'm a meanie but it's okay she still loves me.

I'm convinced there are never good photos on this roller coaster but that's okay because it is so much fun!  And Erin said she didn't hate it and it was funner than she thought it was going to be.  Maybe one day she'll actually grow to like them and I won't have to drag her.

Dinner time!  And yes, it was cold that day but I didn't complain because we all had two sweatshirts (yes, I'm an ubber planner and this time the "just in case" came in handy!)  Once the sun went down if you weren't moving it was pretty chilly.  I had a raging head-ache - probably because I hadn't eaten much but those damn pineapple smoothies which are basically sugar and zero protein.  So I volunteered to hang out with Erica and my Mom while Clint, Erin and my Dad went to stand in the Cars Racers line.  Unfortunately it was still a long line and they were gone for over an hour.  But, it was worth it since Clint and Erin both loved it.  Mom and Dad decided it was far too cold and they had done everything they wanted to do so they headed back to their hotel.  Clint took Erica to Bug's Life land for the kiddie rides while Erin and I went to ride the giant Ferris wheel.

view from the top

With zero lines, we decided to ride the Flying Zephyr on our way back off the pier - Erin had seen it from the top of the Ferris Wheel and wanted to do it so why not.  This is her looking super adorable and all I could see was the corn-dog castle behind her.

yes, the corn dogs are huge but I still like Hot Dog on A Stick far better

We got to Bug's Life Land just as Erica had finished riding all the rides.  Doesn't take long when there are NO LINES.  So we decided to let Clint rest - he was a bit green in the face from all the rides going round and round - and let Erica ride whatever she wanted again so Erin could go with her.  This is them on the caterpillar ride.  They thought they were SO COOL because they were riding all by themselves with mom in the seat behind them.

Oh, and guess what - the rain finally made an appearance at 7:00 that night.  Just a light mist that didn't require rain gear even though the girls insisted on putting their rain coats on.  I just think they were looking for an excuse to wear the cute new coats mom got suckered into buying the day before.  At least they are both adorable and I'm sure it helped keep them warm.

This is one of Erica's favorite rides - Flick's Flyers - which she called "the giant pineapple".  I really wanted to get a picture of her being a sassy pants and insisting on riding all by herself but she covered her face every time I tried.  This photo is for posterity when she wonders what she was like as a child and doesn't believe me when I tell her she was a little stinker.

What's an amusement park of any size or kind without cotton candy?  In hind sight, they probably could have shared one...

Luigi's floating tires, still no lines.  According to RideMax this is a ride that always has long lines and "isn't worth the wait".  Definitely picked the right day for Disney!

The park still wasn't closed and we'd done everything anyone wanted to do (with the exception of Tower of Terror but after the raging headache earlier I wasn't willing to press my luck with another high velocity ride).  Erin said she wanted Cars Racers again and this time I went with her so I could ride it, too.  Super fun ride and this time we only had to wait thirty minutes.  Plus, we had a great view of the fireworks when they did them at Disneyland.

This is how much Erin loves the Racers.

One last photo after Ariel ride as we headed out.  Goodbye Disneyland!

After the hour plus drive back to Oceanside, we slept super late and spent a leisurely afternoon recovering in the pool.  My parents checked out of their hotel and came to hang out with us before going home.

 Erin and Erica thought it was SO COOL that they were allowed in the hot tub.  It was only because it wasn't really that hot but don't tell them that.

I thought it was still too cold to be outside and wet so instead I read by the pool.  Still just as relaxing.  With Disney out of the way, we could get back to the "real" relaxing that Clint and I like.  No agenda and lots of R&R.  It was so relaxing that my parents decided to stay that night with us in the condo before heading for home.

 Erica decided donuts were a breakfast food.  It was vacation after all so I let it go...

My Dad had gone to put the aero bed down and instead laid down for a little nap.  Definitely vacation.

Erin sporting her new sunglasses that Clint bought her at the corner market where they'd gone to buy lottery tickets and came back with food instead.  Weird how predictable his brain can be sometimes...

 It was a beautiful day so we decided to rent from the pier and spend some time on the beach before my parents had to head for Vegas.

 Me and Erica basking in the sun

Look how long my hair is - crazy!

 This is how we toured the beach - it was super fun and held all six of us.  We went all the way to both ends of the beach stopping wherever we decided to.  It was a great excursion!

 Low tide north of the pier

Erica walking on the rocks

Clint is always so happy around the ocean

 Look what Erin found!  "Mr Crabs"

of course, Clint made cracks about how every time he comes to California he gets crabs...

 Erica still wouldn't dip her toes into the water

 Yes, that's a smile on my dad's face!

 The girls playing in the water - or at least at the water line

 Erica decided she wanted to dig in the sand that had the consistency of mud.  Which made my OCD twitch that she was going to get dirty.  When she squatted down and basically sat in the "muddy" sand, I had to force myself not to freak out and kept reminding myself that it was vacation and it didn't matter.  Probably the most fun she had the entire trip happened in this span of 10 minutes.

Not sure why the "why" pose but aren't they adorable?

Erin's sea shells she found

Yes, it's nap time again.  That kid can seriously nap anywhere!

Playing under the pier

  We ate fresh seafood under the pier then made our way back to the condo to say goodbye to my parents.  More swimming in the pool and general relaxing rounded out the day.

 Waxing the skim board on the balcony in preparation for the next day at the beach

The next morning Clint and I took turns going for a run on the beach.  He got up super early and headed out while I had my morning coffee and the girls woke up and started begging for the pool.  Once Clint got back, I suited up for my run while he took the girls swimming.  This was a most triumphant run for me.  I had a pulmonary embolism in November and hadn't really be able to run since. (You can read all about it here).  Because we were at sea level it was like I had never stopped and I just got to run and enjoy the scenery.  I found myself so absorbed in the beach and all the sites that I couldn't even concentrate on my book in my ears and turned off my iPod.  Best part of the entire trip for me.

view of my run route at the halfway mark

 This is what the girls were doing when I got back from my run.  Sitting in the hot tub is now the activity of choice I guess.

Once we were cleaned up from our runs, we packed up for the beach again.  Unfortunately there was a storm moving in and it wasn't the warmest.  The bright sunny weather on our morning runs had turned to fog and almost zero visibility with overcast skies by the time we hauled all our stuff down to the beach and the other side of the pier where there was flatter ground for skim boarding.

 Clint was determine to be in the ocean regardless of the weather.  His new wet suit came in handy until he realized that he wasn't far enough in the water doing skim boarding for it and that it was far too hot to have it on.  This is him being die hard and doing what he loves regardless of the cold water and overcast skies.

 This is me bundled up against the damp cold on the beach - yes, I was freezing.  So different than just a couple of hours ago when I was running out here.  BRRR

 Our last night, we walked down to the end of the pier to Ruby's Diner and had shakes for dessert, watched the fisherman and looked at the octopus and squid they had caught and listened to the waves.  I can't describe how perfect that night was - just us, wandering around together seeing what there was to see with no cares and nowhere we needed to be.  It was bliss... and we all hated to have to leave the next day.

But the trip wasn't over.  We checked out of our condo in Oceanside on Thursday, had lunch at a really good Armenian place in Carlsbad then headed to Riverside to spend the weekend with my cousin and his family.  We didn't have to be back to school and work until Monday after all...

Cuddling together on the couch - I love my girls

The entire time we were gone, the weather back home was record low cold and we kept hearing reports form neighbors about frozen water pipes and the general bitching that comes with extreme weather.  Clint took great pleasure in having me take this photo of him enjoying his morning coffee outside, half dressed, just to share with everyone how amazing the weather was.

Huge mug of coffee and a good book combined with Erica's afternoon nap.  Happy Terra!

Clint took Erin and Hannah on a walk which turned into a pretty substantial hike.  Just because they could.

Our last morning we had a huge breakfast with blueberry pancakes.  Notice the size they got when I left the pancake cooking in Clint's hands to deal with something Erica needed help with.

Erin and Hannah - close cousins of the next generation

Goofing around before we left

This is Peaches and I don't think she was in her cage the whole weekend unless Erin was asleep or playing outside.  Erin begs for a bird which Clint and I both say no about so this was super fun for her to experience.

Me and Cecie right before we left.  So hard to say goodbye to such great family who are always so inviting and who genuinely love to see us as much as we love to see them.

 Prolonging the loading of the car because no one wants to leave

Goodbye California!

Because it had been such an easy drive coming down - where it didn't feel like a road trip with a toddler - and because we didn't want to have to get up early with no time to say goodbye, we decided to split the trip home up too.  We stayed that night in Cedar City - and within six hours had gone from sixty degree weather to MINUS TEN.  It was probably karma for all the sunny Cali pictures we'd been posting on Facebook all week...  Twelve days in California in January - best idea I've ever had!

Cedar City still had all their Christmas lights and decorations up. Isn't there some kind of rule about taking that stuff down by New Year?  It was the thirteenth of January!

On the way home, I asked the girls what they thought of their Christmas gift that was actually a Christmas trip and it was unanimous that we all wanted to do that again.  Perhaps a new family tradition has been born!  The best part of the whole trip was getting to spend time together just being together without being rushed or hurried to do anything.  Enjoying every moment before it was gone.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!